Saturday, October 23, 2010

With My Naked Eye

I did a photo shoot a few weeks ago with a very talented artist by the name of Gregory Beylerian.  He was interested in capturing some images of women on their poles at home and he was especially interested in capturing the emotionality and the sensuality of the dance – much more so than the tricks and technical skills.  The experience was…sublime.  With the exception of my classmates, I rarely dance for others.  And when I dance, I let an extremely sensual, extremely erotic part of myself come out to play.  This makes me feel equally powerful and vulnerable.  So sharing that part of myself with a near stranger in my living room and subsequently my bedroom was initially nerve-wracking.  In addition, my studio doesn’t have mirrors, so I have absolutely no idea what I look like when I move.  When I told Gregory this he said, “I’ll be your mirror.”  Eek.
            But as it turns out, I had no trouble at all dropping into that sensual, sexual part of myself.  And after the first couple of songs (and ok fine, one glass of wine) I found that I really enjoyed sharing my sensual self with the camera.  In class we use a chair and the person sitting in the chair as a reference point for our dance.  The chair helps us to focus our dance in a certain direction and reminds us that we are telling a story to someone else.  In this case, the camera was the reference point.  I teased and taunted and hid from and seduced the camera with my eyes, my hair, my hips, my back, my breasts and my ass – especially my ass.  I told my story with my body.  And while I was doing all of that a funny thing happened.  I began to discover that I really enjoyed it.  There was something exhilarating and liberating about exposing that part of myself to someone else.  And rather than feeling like an object of the camera’s gaze I actually felt like the camera was the object of my gaze.  That I was pushing out my sexuality, owning it and forcing it onto the viewers, whomever they might be.  While certainly Gregory put me at ease with his demeanor, I uncovered a part of myself that I did not know existed.  At the same time, there were these moments of discomfort where some sort of old programming about what is and isn’t appropriate for a woman to be doing with her body would pop into my head (usually when I was pushing things a little bit further – pulling off a layer or rolling around in the bed).  In those moments the question “Is this bad?” would rattle around my brain for a few seconds.  Literally.  And then I would drop my head into a lazy circle, arch my back, circle my hips and think “Well it feels too good in my body to be bad.  So F*@k it.” 
            At the very end of the shoot my boyfriend came home.   I was leaning provocatively against the pole and Gregory was clicking away.  “Hi my love!” I called out.  Immediately Gregory invited him in to see what we were doing.  And again, I was struck at how comfortable I was with my boyfriend watching me be photographed in lingerie.  The whole experience made me realize that the erotic, sensual part of myself is not separate from the rest of me at all – it isn’t something that I can only turn on for dance class. It’s actually fully integrated into my being.  It’s a part of who I am - a big part.  I’m not ashamed of it.  In fact, I love to share it.  It may sound strange, but it almost feels as though the photo shoot took apart a dam in my stream of sensuality.  Whereas before I could stop up that stream after dance class, or I maybe felt that I had to out of fear or shame of it flowing out into the world, now I don’t need to - or want to.  I know better.
            It goes without saying that a big part of this realization has to do with the kind and  almost sacred reverence Gregory has for the female form.  He makes a woman feel beautiful and safe, which allows her to unwrap her sexuality at her own pace and feel empowered in the process.    He quickly understands the way in which a particular woman moves her body, and captures those movements so that her natural beauty is highlighted.  He is a genius when it comes to lighting.  His photos reflect an understanding of what it means to capture a moment, and then to create a work of art. But it’s more than that.  He sees his subjects not just through his camera lens, but through the lens of his heart (which is, after all, the mark of a true artist).  Because the technological aspects of photography are second nature to him, he is free to focus on the story that is being told by the woman in front of him.  And because of who he is, you want to tell him that story. 

 For more information on how to schedule a shoot with Gregory Beylerian please email him at: or call #323 385 5200


  1. "The whole experience made me realize that the erotic, sensual part of myself is not separate from the rest of me at all – it isn’t something that I can only turn on for dance class. It’s actually fully integrated into my being. It’s a part of who I am - a big part. I’m not ashamed of it." These words made my day! I'm doing pole/dance myself an it took me a long time to realize what you managed to put into words!

  2. You are gorgeous and beautiful and an inspiration to all of us. Having the courage to put your complete self out there...I hope some of it rubs off on me and I can walk taller and be as proud of who I am and what I can be. I am proud and honored to be able to read/share in your experience.